Thursday, September 18, 2008

Anger Management Techniques

Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Some descriptions of actions of anger management are:

  • Direct, such as not beating around the bush, making behaviour visible and conspicuous, using body language to indicate feelings clearly and honestly, anger directed at persons concerned.
  • Honorable, such as making it apparent that there is some clear moral basis for the anger, being prepared to argue your case, never using manipulation or emotional blackmail, never abusing another person’s basic human rights, never unfairly hurting the weak or defenseless, taking responsibility for actions.
  • Focused, such as sticking to the issue of concern, not bringing up irrelevant material.
  • Persistent, such as repeating the expression of feeling in the argument over and over again, standing your ground, self defense.
  • Courageous, such as taking calculated risks, enduring short term discomfort for long term gain, risking displeasure of some people some of the time, taking the lead, not showing fear of other’s anger, standing outside the crowd and owning up to differences, using self-protective skills.
  • Passionate, such as using full power of the body to show intensity of feeling, being excited and motivated, acting dynamically and energetically, initiating change, showing fervent caring, being fiercely protective, enthusing others.
  • Creative, such as thinking quickly, using more wit, spontaneously coming up with new ideas and new views on subjects.
  • Forgiving, such as demonstrating a willingness to hear other people’s anger and grievances, showing an ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has been expressed.
  • Listening, to what is being said to you. Anger creates a hostility filter, and often all you can hear is negatively toned.

A common skill used in most anger management programs is learning assertive communication techniques. Assertive communication is the appropriate use of expressing feelings and needs without offending or taking away the rights of others. It is typically started with the use of "I" statements followed by a need statement, such as "I feel hurt, when you don't call if you're running late, I need for you to call me if you are going to be late".

With regard to interpersonal anger, Dr. Eva L. Feindler[4] recommends that people try, in the heat of an angry moment, to see if they can understand where the alleged perpetrator is coming from. Empathy is very difficult when one is angry but it can make all the difference in the world. Taking the other person's point of view can be excruciating when in the throes of anger, but with practice it can become second nature.

Buddhists, on the other hand, recommend a slightly different approach. They believe that there are several antidotes for handling anger. The chief amongst them are patience, understanding karma, equanimity and realization of emptiness (the sum of which can be achieved through daily Concentration Meditation and Insight Meditation, or Samatha and Vipassana). The main issue of anger management is that anger is regarded as an incorrect projection of the mind, so that wisdom and insight can ultimately correct the mind and eliminate anger completely.



Pappul 9/18/08, 4:43 PM  

kispe ghussa hoke likha hai yeh ;)

Vikash Kumar 9/18/08, 4:47 PM  

Don't want to talk about it :).. but surely some of the tips here proved very useful and will help me further cause I am angered easily :)

PJ 9/22/08, 5:11 PM  

I think nature of a person determines primarily how well one is in anger management. And certainly the recommended actions help you develop a pacifying mechanism against the world of Fury.

Thanks for you comment on Still Life!!

Vikash Kumar 9/25/08, 11:02 AM  

Yes absolutely Prashant.. that is the whole point of these anger management mechanism... and I will add one more to it.. If you are in rage then just wait for some time; then compose a mail to the concerned person to tell him what offended you and in what way.. This way your anger will not pile up & probably over a mail conversation you will settle the issue.

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